The Xydexx Institute of Squeaks

01 JUN 2010

Something squeaky this way comes.

02 APR 2010

Bambi's nozzle. Mmm. You cannot bare to look, yet you cannot turn away.

18 JAN 2010

There's a new Bambi in town, and he's inflatable. Mrr. Everyone wants an inflatable Bambi. I hope they sell these in the United States. I'd buy a hundred of them. Ha ha, only serious.

In other news, the Xydexx Map Department now has a collection of historical information on Eastview, NY. I'll be adding a map soon, once I finish drawing it. There's a lot of information I've collected, and I need to figure out a way to show where present-day roads and things like the Saw Mill River Parkway are.

10 JAN 2010

It has been determined that this site will be used for mailarty weird things. If you're looking for the recipes, they're on the other site.

28 DEC 2009

I'm back from New York! Unfortunately, I ended up getting gas there instead of Pennsylvania, so it was expensive. For future reference, I need to consult GasBuddy and find out where the cheap gas is along my route. Sometimes I'll stop for gas right before I leave Pennsylvania, but that's not the case if I fill up in Leesburg right before I leave. It is roughly 303 miles from here to Dad's house. I should make a small travel guide so I know where fuel and services are along I-78. That would be handy when I go to New York.

21 DEC 2009

Long time no update, apparently. I guess the latest spot of news is that the Inflatable Reindeer Puzzle Page, just in time for all your Inflatable Reindeer needs. Some people think I may have stolen a giant inflatable reindeer, but they really have no idea, do they?

I need to work on Everything2 again at some point. Not that anyone really cares all that much on my thoughts on exploring the abandoned college (that would be King's College for those who aren't in the know... but as Extrovert Kurt would say You Can't Go There Anymore), Hudson River State Hospital, or Chicken, Alaska. But it was an opportunity to write, and Goddess knows I don't do nearly enough of that.

In other news, we had a giant-ass snowstorm here this weekend which dumped at least two feet of snow on us. At night, we could look outside and the snow was reflecting so much light it was like daytime (except the sky was dark). Very surreal. I shoveled our walk and uncovered our newspaper. Then I hitched a ride with our neighbor to Target to but some milk, and as a thank you gesture shoveled his walk. He brought over some oatmeal-coconut cookies (freshly-baked) later, which was super nice. I also got to talk to our other neighbor, who has been living here for a while but I'd never talked to. We hardly ever see our neighbors unless it snows, then everyone's out shoveling snow and whatnot.

Holy cats, it's December 21 already? I'll be going up to New York in a few days. I've got all my Yuletide shopping done. Plenty of gifts, plus a few extra. I'm actually a lot less stressed about the holidays this year. I'm not sure why, but I have an idea.

09 DEC 2009

Last night I went on a baking spree and baked two loaves of pumpkin bread. The first one I added cranberries to. One cup of frozen cranberries, so they needed to be thawed first. I set them out on a plate for 45 minutes, then (because I was worried how it would affect the recipe if they were whole cranberries) tried to mash them up a bit. Thus I learned cranberries are kinda durable. The bread came out okay, but I think next time I'll use more cranberries and put more effort into mashing them up to distribute them better.

03 DEC 2009

I have unusual interests, as reflected in my LiveJournal profile: Chasing deer with airpumps, fantasizing about inflatable porcupines, improved waffle flavor, puff kissing, sheer joy of living, and the charm which spreads. This is a Good Thing.

Anyway, I'm working on updating my profile. There's a 110-pixel wide space on the side that I need to fill with weirdness. Maybe an ad for Gordon's Invigorating Elixir of Yak Strength. The label will be 3 inches wide by 4.5 inches tall. I've already got the clipart for the yak. I just need to find some old-fashioned fonts to use for it.

02 DEC 2009

There needs to be, I think, a comprehensive information page about the internet's most favorite squeaky pony. Xydexx squeaks, because that's just the way he is. A narwhal is like an underwater version of Xydexx, except Xydexx would be doing weird things with the scuba gear. And that's just terrible awesome. (Yay! I mean oh no!) That's something a lot of folks on these here internets forget. Weird is not necessarily wrong or bad. More often than not it is the path to awesome.

We had 586 pieces of candy for Halloween this year. We distributed about 411 pieces to the 89 kids that showed up at our doorstep. That means we have about 175 leftover pieces of candy for us to snack on (which will likely take us until next Halloween to get through it all). Unfortunately, we got rid of most of the candy I liked first, so now we're just left with lots of Milky Way and Snickers bars instead of candy corn and Swedish fish. Fun trivia fact: Snickers bars were named after a horse.

Speaking of horses, Inflatostallion received a life-size inflatable one in the mail recently. It's bigger than I am, and that's awesome. It's nice to have a gigantic huggable inflatable horse around the house for horsing around with. Because horses are the best of all the animals. I heard it somewhere on the internet, so it must be true. I don't love horses so much as I worship them. Ha ha, only serious. You'd think I'd be more into yaks or something, with all the references to naked candlelight yak rituals and such, but no, that's just a clever ruse to amuse and confuse the uninitiated who occasionally stumble across the Department of Cute and Weird. So ha!

I found a Gordon's Dry Gin bottle out around the old abandoned house on Sycolin Road (there were also numerous 1-pint vodka bottles, which I left). The bottle itself is in great condition, though it's not very old (it has a plastic cap). I'm thinking of rebranding it to... I dunno, something else. I like adding fake labels to bottles. So it could have an 1800's-looking label with "GORDON'S INVIGORATING ELIXIR OF YAK STRENGTH" on it or something. Must include some sort of weirdness like Our Office Boy's Essay On Heads (HEDZ!). That might be fun. Here is a good source of related ephemera. Some of it is downright beautiful. I have to be careful when I find this stuff, otherwise I'll spend hours looking at it. Already I've gotten sidetracked from writing this to look at a collection of old labels from items salvaged from the steamboat Bertrand, which sank in the Missouri River in 1865.

01 OCT 2009

Xydexx's To Do List contains many things which are inflatable-related: Balloon architecture, getting a commission from Paka, building an inflatable rubber Fygar costume, and ruminations on why one rarely sees cartoon inflation by mouth ("Because then it would be too sexy!" says Xydexx.) An additional item on the agenda may be creation of a webpage describing the Russian Popper Mafia, because eventually one has to stop arguing with irrational, paranoid people who think there's a conspiracy against them. Remember, furries are the only people in the world who have sex. (Xydexx really needs to make a deck of these aphorisms, similar to Brian Eno's Oblique Strategies.) So much to do now.

Important Research is continuing at Xydexx's Breakneck Mountain research facility (2 Wolcott Avenue, Beacon, NY 12508). It is mostly harmless.

Xydexx needs to clean up his office. Seriously, what a mess. It's amazing Xydexx gets anything done sometimes, considering he spends half his time looking for things. Gah.

Yes, that would be a wise choice. Time to get organized.

17 FEB 2009

There is a reason Xydexx eventually moves on to doing better things with his time. It comes down to how you decide to spend your life and, on some level, what kind of human being you want to be. This is why Xydexx will always be the squeakiest.

This means spending less time looking for bears and more time making s'mores. Yes, more s'mores. Smoores. It's like when you have more Oreos. Then we say they are Moreos.

Lambert Lambert

My protaganist Lambert Lambert says you can never have too much playspace. Really, playspace is everywhere on the internet if you know where to look. The folks at PlentyOfFish didn't like Lambert Lambert's dating profile, but that's probably because of his interests in octopods and bagelocity, a dangerous combination to be sure.

I should do genealogy research on Lambert Lambert. Where he came from, what he did, how he became World Champion Mornington Crescent player, and so on.

News From Boringville

Work on renovating the Boringville Clock Tower is nearing completion, thanks to a generous donation from Consolidated Moosilidge. Consolidated Moosilidge also provides funding for important research in the areas of meme tracking, the power of mooing, and babelfishing. They are by necessity confusing, in order to go as far down the rabbit hole as possible. There's no telling who might be trying to sneak a peek at our important research, after all.

If you are interested in learning more about this important research, please consult the Squeakyponyland Guide to Import/Export and the Super Bowl of Eyeballs for application information and required confusion. (The super bowl of eyeballs really is full of eyeballs, by the way, but it is carried by a cartoon bear so that makes it less traumatic.)

1000 Blank White Cards

While cleaning and reorganizing downstairs, I found several boxes of old business cards of mine. Actually, I've been saving boxes of these every time I come across them ever since I found out about the game 1000 Blank White Cards, which sounds like the best game I've never played. Of course, I could end up being horrible at it, since I can't think on my feet and make things up on the fly. At least not as much as I think would be necessary for a game like this. On the other hand, given enough beer and pizza, this could be a fun game to play at a furry con.

Thus, I'm saving up all my unused business cards in hopes of one day playing this really wacky game. Or perhaps I can just create an Oblique Strategies deck instead.

Stretchable Llamas and a Distinct Lack of Organization

Yes. I know. These pages are still horribly disorganized. Trust me, I'm working on it. I am attempting to bring some coherency and with luck an increased frequency in updates to these pages. Hopefully. Keep your shirt on.

We'll end this with a few words about puppies. Yes, puppies will be the end of us all.

Puppies

It's mean to hide a kitten in a puppy's butt.

And yet, sadly, sometimes you must do just that.

It seems, at first blush, that everything will be fine...the puppy in question is patient, the kittens are small and resolutely nonsquirmy, your kitten-wrangling and puppy-stuffing skills are paramount.

But as the puppy begins to feel the effects of kitten-crammage (stumbling about as if inebriated, barking in confusion, speaking French) your resolve will waver. You will begin to fear that the capacity for kitten placement in a puppy will fall short and you will be left with that duo of puppy-stuffing shames: a partially-filled puppy and extraneous kittens.

With dawning hope and horror in equal amounts, realization steals over you; the puppy's butt remains vacant of feline presence. A lone kitten looks at you plaintively, mutely pleading for canine succor, perhaps even meowing in adorable confusion at the whereabouts of its recent kitten friends, now fully ensconced in canus.

Though your eternal soul will no doubt be roasting on a demonic spit within hours, a simple lift and push and a moment's struggle with the domestic representatives involved completes your task.

Kittens: out of sight (if not of mind)
Puppy: thoroughly filled with kittens

Relax for a moment and reflect on your deeds this day. You have done the nearly-impossible. You depraved bastard.

(Source: Ninja-Lad)

Confused? Unsure? Need grinning meatloaf? Want more haggis?

Karl Xydexx Jorgensen

The Xydexx Directory of Things!
The Xydexx Institute of Squeaks!