No More Noodlums
In an effort to devote more time to Things That Don't Suck, we have implemented a policy of running over trolls with a highway paver. Everyone knows a highway paver was really designed for running over trolls, and since trolls lose by default all they're really good for is landfill anyway. We are looking forward to building a superhighway into the future for robotic ponies.
The city of Xydexx is reporting 5% unemployment and needs more robotic pony factories to keep the citizens working. You can help by adding more industry to the city of Xydexx.
Save the Clock Tower
Efforts to preserve the Boringville Clock Tower are underway. The clock tower was struck by lightning in 1955 and is now threatened by bagels and lox and tea, coffee, grinning meatloaf, and a wood chipper. Authorities stated the facts regarding the situation remain unchanged. Details concerning future plans have been given a preliminary investigation but a more comprehensive study is needed.
A three-act play entitled Aahz Is A Grinning Meatloaf will be performed this Saturday on the lawn in front of the clock tower in hopes that our children, and our children's children, won't be bothered by questions like yours ever again. A meatloaf dinner will not be provided for anyone at any time after the performance. That would be silly because nobody lives here, we all just exist.
For further information contact the Boringville Clock Tower, 100 Warren Avenue, Hawthorne, NY 10532. Anvilcow still thinks your responses are in a chicken, or perhaps a halibut.
History Mystery
Curious about what changes in two centuries? Xydexx is.
Just outside the gates of the Old Dutch Church at Sleepy Hollow is a milestone, placed on the old Albany Post Road prior to 1789. It reads "Miles From New York 28". However, this was not the milestone's original location. One assumes it was moved from nearby, however the closest milestone to the church would have been 31 miles. Milestone 28 was—according to Christoper Colles' A Survey of the Roads of the United States of America (1789)—just north of the Irvington-Tarrytown border. Perhaps a visit to the Tarrytown Historical Society is in order.
The Albany Post Road has been straightened and re-routed in some places, but to a large degree retains the same route it used in revolutionary times. The route has many stories to tell and is still dotted with former taverns and mansions. Fellow ruin-hunter Rob Yasinsac has been doing a capital job of documenting the existing milestones along the historic road.
Important Research
Xydexx continues to work on important research necessary for making the internet a weirder (and thus, cooler) place. First it was robotic ponies, now it's stretchable llamas or... something insane. Nobody knows. Not even him.
Conducting important research is like ProgressQuest or Xydexx's Theory Of Increasing Ruingasms. Each strand of the web reveals another item of interest, another trail to follow, until there are too many directions to go and not enough time to follow every one of them. What is needed, then is organization. Some way to make sense of it all. What does the Bible say about cheese? Three cheers for cow tipping.
We will update with more details as we make progress. Ahead warp zillion and all that.
Puppies
It's mean to hide a kitten in a puppy's butt.
And yet, sadly, sometimes you must do just that.
It seems, at first blush, that everything will be fine...the puppy in question is patient, the kittens are small and resolutely nonsquirmy, your kitten-wrangling and puppy-stuffing skills are paramount.
But as the puppy begins to feel the effects of kitten-crammage (stumbling about as if inebriated, barking in confusion, speaking French) your resolve will waver. You will begin to fear that the capacity for kitten placement in a puppy will fall short and you will be left with that duo of puppy-stuffing shames: a partially-filled puppy and extraneous kittens.
With dawning hope and horror in equal amounts, realization steals over you; the puppy's butt remains vacant of feline presence. A lone kitten looks at you plaintively, mutely pleading for canine succor, perhaps even meowing in adorable confusion at the whereabouts of its recent kitten friends, now fully ensconced in canus.
Though your eternal soul will no doubt be roasting on a demonic spit within hours, a simple lift and push and a moment's struggle with the domestic representatives involved completes your task.
Kittens: out of sight (if not of mind)
Puppy: thoroughly filled with kittens
Relax for a moment and reflect on your deeds this day. You have done the nearly-impossible. You depraved bastard.
(Source: Ninja-Lad)
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